Permission to Engage Your Life and Feel

There is more to life than running from task to task on autopilot. In modern society we are over committed and under engaged. Life is hard and complicated, we try to balance all of our commitments as best we can and we end up feeling overwhelmed and like we’ve failed. This is because too much is piled on our shoulders as should’s and must’s. Work, family, friends, household, it all becomes a drudgery, a burden, and we can’t be our best for any of these hats we wear because life is so darn exhausting. Life is not meant to be pain, yes there are definitely painful moments, but life is meant to be embraced, enjoyed, and animate our souls. What if we start committing to things that are a “heck yes” for us and let go of the things that aren’t. 

Work

Work can be fun. It’s true. That doesn’t mean that you have to love every aspect of your work and be overjoyed to go to work, but find something each day during your working hours that brings you joy or at least satisfaction. It can be as simple as the smile your co-worker gives you or patting yourself on the back for finishing a project. If your job consists of the same repetitive tasks (an indicator of low job satisfaction) find a way to mix things up. Only 20% of the US workforce is truly passionate about their job. If your job is complete drudgery find a way to shift that or get out and find something that you can enjoy and make money at-it’s out there, go get it!

Family

Family can require a lot of our energy, and that’s okay. If you are partnered make the choice to still be in love with that person-no matter how long you have been together. Remember why you are together and if something needs to shift do it. Being with our partner should be a joy filled experience. Yes there are responsibilities and things come up, and remember you are a team. Our kids have so much going on these days. They are over scheduled which means we are way over scheduled. Start a family overhaul. Have family meetings and see what is working for everyone and what isn’t and what everyone wants more of to be happier. If there are activities the kids are doing that they don’t enjoy, maybe let go of that commitment. If the kids are each doing 3-4 activities at a time, maybe that is too much. Everyone in the family needs to be heard and considered when coming up with a routine and schedule. Did you know that eating family dinner together at least 4 nights a week is linked to lowered obesity, lower substance abuse, and higher rates of high school graduation for kids? Eat together and talk. Communicating and being with loved ones lowers our blood pressure and cortisol levels. Our family wants our time, love, and attention. Schedule some one-on-one time with each family member to form a deeper connection. And reach out to distant family members to connect if that feels right. 

Friends

Connection, purpose, sense of belonging, happiness are all reasons that we need friends. In today’s society we are spending less time connecting in person and more time on social media which can actually lead to greater feelings of depression, anxiety, feeling isolated, etc. It is so important to see close friends and talk and engage in activities together. A phone call works too. Find those that you can have real conversations with and get out and explore together. Try new things, cry and laugh. Find the people that love who you are without judgement. They are out there, trust me. 

Household

An endless lists exists to the smooth running of a household. Cooking, cleaning, gardening/yardwork, pet care, bill paying, etc. How can we divide these tasks to be more equitable and, dare I say, enjoyable? Are there things that nobody likes doing that can be outsourced? Domestic duties often fall on one partner more heavily and this needs to be a conversation. If you live with others be open and honest about your needs and the best way for everyone to participate. No one knows how you feel unless you say it. How can we make the things we don’t like more enjoyable? Put on some music, dance while doing it, get your kids involved, even put on a smile. A smile is felt through your whole body and smiling releases neuropeptides that reduce stress and feel good neurotransmitters. Find joy in the little things.

Feel

You have permission to feel your feelings. We are each in charge of how we feel-meaning no one can make us feel anything. Isn’t that empowering? We run into problems when we try to control our feelings and tamp them down. They will come up somehow-body aches, knee pain, persistent cough, blowing up, crying uncontrollably out of no where, etc. We, as a society, need to normalize expressing and sharing our feelings. This will allow us to more fully engage and be present in our lives.

I want for all of us to have a vibrant life full of wonder and awe. We can choose to live in this state of being all in and engaged in whatever it is we are experiencing or doing. You have my permission to feel and live your best life. Now get out there and do it!